Foster Care Awareness: Meet a Local Case Worker

Foster Care Awareness Month may officially have closed, but raising awareness on any issue doesn’t have to be confined to one month, so I’m continuing the series with just a few more stories. We’re hearing another voice of foster care this week. Becki Rossi has worked within the foster care system for almost 9 years. I don’t believe there to be any easy sides to foster care, no matter the angle or perspective, and so when I set out to hear people’s stories, I wanted to hear the heart of someone who sees the good, bad and ugly 8+ hours a day. Here is some insight from Becki…

1) Where do you work and what is your position there?

I work at Catholic Community Services – one of the 10 CUA (Community Umbrella Agency) that DHS contracts with in the City of Philadelphia.  Several years ago, the City of Philadelphia changed the way that foster care is managed due to a death of a foster child (Danielle Kelly).  After that horrible incident of neglect/abuse in foster care, DHS went to the 10 CUAs providing direct foster care services.  I work for one of those 10 agencies.  I’m a foster care social worker and am responsible for the safety, well-being and timely permanency of each of my clients.  I visit all my kids once a month, and provide additional support as needed to the foster families.  I’m in an adoption unit, meaning all my clients’ parents have lost their rights, so we are looking at adoption, rather than reunification.

2) How long have you been working in this capacity?

At my current job, only a year and a half.  In foster care, about 7 years.  I worked at Bethanna previously, in their foster care program and then their CUA.

3) What is the biggest need you see within the foster care system? Is it as simple as more families saying ‘yes’?

We desperately need more “good” families to be willing to be foster parents.  The opioid epidemic has increased the number of children needing homes.  There simply are not enough foster homes for these children to go.  Unfortunately, that’s why “marginal” families are accepted sometimes as foster parents.  The system is desperate for homes.  Sometimes in reality all we are looking for is a bed – I realize how sad that is for these kiddos, and it breaks my heart.  Not all people who say “yes” do it for the right reasons – and of course, that shows in the care they provide for the children.

4) How many children are waiting for a foster home currently in Philadelphia?

This is a tough question to answer.  When there is no home available for a child, but they need to be removed from their home of origin, extended family is always considered.  So sometimes children are placed in “kinship care” with a relative.  If there really is no home for a child to go, they are placed in a facility or shelter or housed at DHS for a day or two.  I don’t have stats on how many children need homes.  I did find one stat that relates: “In Philadelphia, about 700 children are in group home settings.  Of those, about 250 could be living with families if homes were available.” (DHS commissioner, Figueroa, Phila Inquirer)

5) As I understand it, family reunification is generally always the goal, am I correct in that? What does the process look like for a child/ren to return with their biological parents? At what point do they become available for adoption?

Yes, reunification is ALWAYS the first goal of any child, except for extreme cases of sexual abuse or attempted murder.  The parents are given goals they need to complete in order to get their kids back.  They review the case in court every 3 months to see how the parents are doing and to revise the goals as needed.  The parents are appointed attorneys free of charge, who are supposed to advocate for their rights, etc.  I say “supposed to” because unfortunately, these attorneys often barely know the case and the parents.  The law states that if a child is in foster care for 15-22 months that the goal can change to adoption and the court can seek the termination of parents rights (TPR).  That definitely does not happen on that timeline due to court continuances, etc.  So basically until TPR a child is not “Freed” up for adoption.  Once TPR happens the goal changes to adoption.

6) How many children are currently eligible for adoption?

In the US, there are 107,000 foster children eligible for and waiting to be adopted.  The average age of a waiting child is 7.7 years old and 29% of kids waiting to be adopted will spend at least 3 years in foster care.  (Adoptionnetwork.com)

7) What are the statistics for “success” in life for a child who has aged out of the foster care system? (From what I understand they are more likely to wind up in poverty, jail, etc….could you shed some light on that?)

Ugh, this one is pretty grim.

• “One in four PA youth who “age out” of the system experience homelessness, struggle with mental health and substance abuse issues.  One in four youth have been arrested since leaving foster care.”
• Another statistic that we talk about often is that only 1% of kids who were in foster care ever go to college.
• “Young women in foster care are two and a half times more likely to become pregnant by 19, than young women who were not in foster care.”
• “Nearly half of PA foster care youth that “aged out” have NOT found a job 4 years after leaving care”
• “Every year, on average, 1,100 PA youth “age out” of foster care at age 18″

 

8) What has been the biggest challenge or heartache in your position?

Biggest challenge is that the work is emotionally hard; long hours, constant needs and not enough resources. Biggest heartache is by far having to move a kid.  The worst.  I recently had to move an 8 year old from his aunt and uncle’s home where he had lived for 6 months, with everyone intending it to be his forever home.  The caregivers changed their minds when the child’s behaviors started to increase.  They gave up.  I had to deliver the news and physically move him to another home – strangers he had never met before.  It wrecked me.  I sobbed when I got home.  It kills me that caregivers will “return” kids, like they are puppies.  I’m not at all saying being a foster parent or adoptive parent is easy, but I just wish more people would put thought into the decision beforehand and then not quit when it gets hard.  This poor little guy – how will he ever learn to trust anyone??

9) What has been the biggest blessing?

Easy to answer this one.  Adoption days!!  I love seeing little lives transformed and the hope that adoption brings. Another blessing is seeing the resiliency of these kids.  It’s amazing.  They are truly little heroes.

10) If a family is not in a position to directly foster a child, what are other ways people can support children in foster care and/or the families who are answering this call?

So many options!!  I recently had a pregnant teen I was working with.  A group of women at my church provided her with baby items, diapers, etc. just to be an encouragement to her.  People are needed as respite caregivers (usually clearances are needed) to give foster families a break.  Even just giving foster parents a few hours of free babysitting can mean the world.

Prayer – for the children, the workers, the families.

Donations of NEW items.  Too many people donate their crap.  We have received dirty clothes as donations – so awful.  Yes, foster families receive a stipend to care for the children, however, in most cases it is delayed by at least a month, sometimes two.  Getting the children what they need for school, etc, can be hard for families that are just getting by themselves.  We have received donations of book bags and school supplies which has been very helpful.

And for any teachers reading this, please be sensitive to the children in your class that are in foster care.  They don’t want their classmates to know the person picking them up isn’t their “real” mom.  Especially for adolescents.  Respect their right to privacy.  Children in foster care, across the boards, struggle more academically and behaviorally than children in family homes.  Be sensitive to that.  Kids in foster care generally act out – they have been through trauma in one way or another.

Social Media

Sherry from @franklinavenue5 is another sincere and compassionate foster/adoptive mama. She advocates forming a close and loving relationship with biological parents (mamas, especially) and although some of the babies/kids that have been in her and her husband’s care have been reunified with their biological families, Sherry and Lucas are intentional about maintaining long-term relationships with the families, which as I recently learned, is a key component to kids not winding up in foster care again after having been reunified. It is also very sweet to watch the partnering that exists in their marriage!

Que tengan buen dia, amigos

Foster Care Awareness Month: Meet The Shafers

As you read through Jeremy + Kim’s story you’ll see the flow of making decisions: sometimes it requires careful consideration + sometimes you’re just supposed to jump. Oftentimes you will think a certain chapter has closed only to find out years later there’s still more to be written. It’s a beautifully choreographed dance between God + us: one of leading and following, prompting and cooperation; and, above all, a heart that is willing to say yes.

 

Here is their story.

If you ask my mom she will tell you that our foster/adoption journey goes all the way back to my childhood. She would tell you that I always wanted wanted a large family and that I always planned to adopt children. Jeremy, my husband, and I met at a church in Rochester, NY while we were both working with the children’s ministry and puppet team. Our mutual love for children is what initially drew us together.

Fast forward from there roughly 10 years. In 2005 we had four biological children and we both agreed that our family was complete with biological children but that we weren’t done yet. (Our daughter is now 20 years old is the eldest. Her three biological brothers are 18, 15, and 13 years old.) We both knew we wanted to adopt and maybe even foster but given the young ages of our children at the time we agreed adoption would be best. We were afraid of fostering and the uncertainty that came with it. After an information meeting at Bethany Christian Services we felt that God was leading us to adopt a special needs boy from China. Our age range was birth to 4 years old. I will never forget the phone call that we received. We had begun our adoption paperwork but had not submitted it all. Then we received a call from our case worker. I remember arguing with her because she had told us we couldn’t be matched until all of our paperwork was in. But… this situation she was calling about was a rare exception. She had the file of a little boy, age 2 at the time, who was missing his leg. They couldn’t find a family for him and if she didn’t his file would be sent back to China and he would mostly likely never be adopted. She wanted to know, “Would we look at his file?” We said yes and approximately a year later we traveled to China and that little boy officially joined our family. He has inspired so many people with his determination and charismatic personality. So there we were, a content family of 7.

About 2 years later we were beginning to feel that nudge that maybe our family was not complete. We were again in the very beginning stages of paperwork and trying to decide if adoption from China again was God’s plan. Then we received a phone call. The head of adoption at our agency called with “an unusual situation”. A one-year-old boy, who had multiple medical needs, had been living with his mom for the first year of his life needed a family. For various reasons his birth mom could no longer take care of him. She made the ultimate loving, sacrificial, and heart-rending choice to put him for adoption. During that phone call, we were told that this little boy might not live to age 2. He had heart issues, he was blind and deaf, the list went on. We prayed and within 2 months “Mo” joined our family. He is now an active 8 year old who is neither blind nor deaf and has defied all of the odds. He has many medical issues and he is what we consider a “lifer”, meaning that he will most likely never be able to live on his own. He has rocked our world. We can’t image our family without him. Our family was complete, but we knew we wanted to do more.

So that is where our foster care story begins. In January, 2018 we were officially licensed to foster. It was less than a week from that milestone when our phone rang. There was a one month old with medical needs in need of a family, and … would we take him? Within 48 hours we were parents to “Chewie”. Chewie has now been with us about 14 months. There’s no clear end in site for our fostering.

On paper this all sounds like a fairy tale with 3 happy endings. In reality, it is incredibly messy, it is hard, and some days it is very hard. Today, was visit day for Chewie. When I went to pick him up from his one-hour visit with his birth parents, he was screaming. He doesn’t really know them well (how could he?) and at some point during the visit he must have noticed I was gone. This is one of the hard, heart-breaking sides of foster care. Some days, foster care is like a pair of dice, and no matter what you role, a “hard side” comes up on at least one of those die.

His parents love him. But for reasons, some outside of their control, they cannot provide a safe home for him. They believe he is coming home to them soon. From my point of view, I don’t see how that could happen. This is a hard side of foster care. Chewie has 3 therapists that visit our home weekly. He has so many medical appointments that need to be kept track of. That is yet another hard side of foster care. We have 2 different social workers that visit and “inspect” our home monthly. More time, more visitors in our home, more scrutiny … another hard side.

Foster care is dirty diapers, and rocking a teething cranky baby in the night. But not every face on the dice comes up sour. Foster care is also witnessing a child crawl, meeting milestones, seeing a baby’s first smile, and hearing a baby’s delighted giggle.

Foster care is watching your older children step up and help out. When they go above and beyond for their siblings, you know that some important seeds are being sown in their hearts. Foster care and adoption have helped all of my children develop a compassion for children in need. It has forever changed our family. It has also forever changed “our village”. We could not have adopted, or even attempted fostering without our village. We were called by God to adopt and foster. We understand that not everyone is called as we are, and not everyone is able to do what we have done. But we have been surrounded by family and friends who support us and pray for us. They bring meals, they learn to do g-tube feedings, they learn about seizures, they watch our kiddos so we can go on dates, they check in with us to see how we are doing. They watch our other kiddos while we go to numerous medical appointments. We couldn’t do all we do without the support of our friends and family.

Adoption is hard, and foster care is hard. So why do it? We see foster care and adoption as our ministry. I am a stay-at-home mom. Although “Mo” is in school, he still has many medical appointments and health issues that would make working outside the home difficult for me. Fostering fits our lifestyle. Because I am home, I can take care of another child, I can transport to visits and medical appointments. The days are long, and some days are harder than others, but because God has called us to this life, he provides what we need to get through each day.

Social Media

The family over @thebrenner bunch just celebrated an adoption day on May 9th! They are a combination of foster + adoptive parents as they took in a sibling group of 4 to foster and the oldest 2 have just been adopted. They are waiting to find out what is to come with the 2 youngest, a set of twins. One common thread in fostering + adoption seems to be this: waiting. Waiting can be so frustrating, but God does some of His best work in the waiting.

Foster Care Awareness Month: Meet the Perez Family

I met Jen Perez through our homeschool co-op. I was so excited to have another Philly family in this Bucks County co-op that I almost couldn’t contain myself. In one year we went from 2 Philly families to 5! It was very exciting LOL. As I had more conversations with Jen it became apparent she loves babies. She was a surrogate mama not once, but twice!…and she and her husband have been fostering for 6 years total, thus far. Here is a snippet of their story…

How did you become involved in foster care?

Fostering had always been on our radar and planned on adopting. We fostered a 3-year-old boy for one week (he was reunited with his brother). Then life just got busy with our own children and it was several years before resuming foster care. We are fostering again (3ish years now).

Did you know families personally who were foster families?

Not at first. WE know so many foster families now! Mostly from church. One of the pastors at Bethel [Philadelphia Mills] fostered/adopted, he shared his story and many church families followed his lead.

What has been the biggest surprise?

I’ve been surprised at how many parents don’t care to be parents (neglect, abuse, general lack of knowledge/intuition). I’ve been surprised with medical needs; endless doctors visits, evaluation visits, therapies, social worker visits, court dates, occupational therapies, parent visits…; I’ve been surprised at how I can fall in love with a child, but not another, assuming I know if the child is reunitable. I was surprised that, at first, we had no desire to fister infants, only 3-5-year-olds. Changed our minds! Now we would prefer to foster infant-2 years old.

What has been the hardest thing?

Scheduling. Rearranging our routine to accomodate visits; to be understanding when an older biological child (of mine) does not want to share a room, again. When bio and foster child do not get along; it’s a full-time job with required overtime!

What has been the biggest blessing?

I’m not sure that has happened yet! Perhaps the option to adopt. So far, 6 foster kids have been reunited with family and I thought we would have adopted by now.

What do you think are some misconceptions about fostering?

I’m not sure; so far all of the negative things I’ve heard are true.

Has the decision to foster affected your marriage in any way (in the beginning or even now)?

I don’t feel like it has affected our marriage.

What impact has fostering had on your other children, whether biological or adopted?

It has definitely affedcted our biological children! They would rather not foster. Routine changes drastically; no one likes that! Toys/favorite things WILL get broken or stolen.

Was this a mutual calling or were one of you called first and the other was prayed into it/called later?

It was mutual/at the same time.

If someone isn’t in a position to be able to foster themselves, what are some other ways to come alongside foster families and support them?

Free babysitting would be an awesome help. Unfortunately, this is a daytime need and most other work or are unavailable during the day time. Or, just show up and help me clean! I’ll make coffee!

Here’s a fact: foster care is rewarding! Unfortunately, it’s hard on everyone in this house, at first. My storytelling does not put fostering up there with glitter and rainbows. It’s very hard. But we desire to foster anyway. You have to like kids. You have to be willing to say good-bye to a child you have fallen in love with.

The most recent development (after she’d already given me her answers to the questions) was that their last foster placement who was reunified with a family member was recently returned to Jen and Angel and is now adoptable! Even with this exciting news, there is still a long period of waiting ahead as they move through the process, which could take anywhere from 18-24 months. Let’s keep them in prayer as they look forward to making Baby E part of their forever family!

Social Media

Kari over @karirae tells of her foster and adoption story as one of obedience; one of taking James 1:27 to heart and opening their home. They have fostered 9 children so far and adopted 1. The Lord called her first and then He worked on her husband, and now they are all in! Follow her on Instagram to get a glimpse of her journey; she also shares a lot of helpful resources for foster + adoptive families!

Que tengan un dia maravilloso, amigos!

Foster Care Awareness Month: Meet the Desamours

The next couple I’d like to introduce you to is framily to us (get it? friends + family = framily!) and they just happen to be our pastoral family. Pastor Eric + Nancylee have been blessed with 6 children (and one grand-baby!) earthside. Their story is a testament to Christ’s redeeming love; furthermore, to see how their family loves on one another and legitimately has fun together is truly a treat to watch. The laughs are endless.

Their parenting journey has not been an easy one, their crosses have been many and they’ve been heavy; but–and I say this often–but, God. Only God can heal + redeem + transform. Only God can mold. Through the heavy + the hard much fruit has been yielded. Scripture describes the tell-tale signs of a believer as being able to “…identify them by their fruits…” (Matthew 7:16). Well, friends, the Desamours have yielded a whole orchard.

Nancylee shares some of their foster care + adoption story like this:

“My family and I became involved with the foster care system through a family member. My maternal cousin had been involved in the Department of Human Services for her three children. At this time, she was pregnant with her fourth. She gave birth to a baby girl in March 2007. Although her other three children were in the system, she was able to bring her daughter home. At the time she was living with my grandmother, and my grandmother would share concerns with the family. One night we were visiting when my cousin came home with the baby. She was under the influence of heroin at the time. The baby was dirty and bundled in winter clothing in early spring. She was sweating and had lost her voice. I remember hearing her cry, she cried, but her voice was hoarse. I asked my cousin if the baby was hungry and she said yes. I began to make her a bottle when I noticed every bottle was filled with old milk, and she didn’t have any formula to feed her. I decided that night to make the phone call to DHS hotline and make a report. I was able to convince my cousin to allow me to take the baby home with me so she could get some rest. She agreed, and that was the start of our journey with the foster care system.

Before this we had not been familiar with “the system” or anyone involved in foster care. That’s not to say that we didn’t know people who raised non biological children. It was just done by word of mouth, and not through DHS. Almost as if it were a crime to report abuse or neglect. After eighteen months of dealing with many court dates, canceled visits, and the biological parent’s numerous attempts to complete objectives, rights were terminated and this began the adoption process. Three months before we were to adopt, we received a phone call. One of the other children needed a permanent home. The family that was supposed to adopt him was no longer an option due to some logistics. He was two and a half years old, and the biological sibling of our soon to be daughter, so we said yes. We adopted both children on June 12, 2009. Our son is now thirteen and our daughter just turned twelve.

Although it has not always been an easy journey, the years that have passed have been filled with lots of laughter and love. I would be lying if I said, there has never been a time when I don’t think about what my life would have been if we said no. But then, I quickly imagine theirs and, in that moment, there are no regrets. I think the biggest surprise for us has been how you don’t realize how much love you have until you open yourself up to such little people that need to be loved. It is literally enough to change your entire world. The biggest blessing for us has been the opportunity to step into the lives of two children that had no voice to change their situation, and be their voice.

For us, the hardest thing has been the lack of information on what to expect. What I mean is, we received a ton of information and training on what it meant to adopt and bring someone into your family. We received CPR and First Aid training to last us a lifetime. They even provided us with birth records for each child and said, “You guys are going to do great!” But they failed to tell us, the long term of emotional/behavioral challenges our children and family would endure. I remember being at a women’s retreat and one of the women approached me and we engaged in a conversation about adoption. She said something that surprised me, and made me think. She said, “Good for you! It’s challenging when adopting younger children, because they don’t usually begin to act out until around eight years of age.” That really shocked me and I remember feeling afraid of the possible challenges we would face as a family, and I wondered why I’ve never heard that before. This opened my eyes and made me aware of some behaviors I started to notice in our son, who was around five at the time. It prompted me to read for myself what I may or may not be facing in the future.

Through this endeavor, I have learned that there cannot be an inkling of division or disunity of mind within your marriage. You both have to be on the same page with everything. The most important thing for your children, whether biological, foster, adopted, or step is to have a visual understanding that mom and dad are on the same team. Our marriage went through a rough patch for a while because I began to notice certain behaviors in our adopted son, and my husband did not fully understand the severity of them. This led to many disagreements. I believe a lot of it was due to frustration on both parts, because my son was able to use us against each other and before we knew it, we were on opposite sides when it involved disciplining him. I remember feeling so alone because no one understood my frustration, and this caused bitterness toward my husband. It was a difficult season for our other children as well. I know that fostering impacted our family in a great way. It opened their eyes to see the blessing of having both parents that love them and, most of all, that love Jesus in the home. I believe it also made them aware that there were children in need of that same love, and that opened their heart. And despite the hardships that came we always had hope anchored in Christ.”

Social Media

Jamie over @fosterthefamilyblog is another powerhouse foster + adoptive mama who candidly shares her journey on this all-in-or-not-at-all road of bringing kids into one’s life who just need a loving home.

Hasta pronto

Foster Care Awareness Month: Meet the Estradas

Admittedly, I didn’t know much about foster care until more recently. I had one friend growing up who was in foster care. We were in 5th grade and were good friends, but she left our school before our 6th grade year and we lost touch after that (we have since reconnected). I don’t remember what she shared with me, if anything, about her situation and–to my knowledge–I didn’t know anyone else in the system, not a case worker, not foster parents nor foster children. I had a very linear understanding of what foster care was or how kids wound up in it: parents can’t take care of kids, kids go into foster care. Some kids go back with their parents, some don’t. About a year and a half ago, I happened to hear an interview on the Revive Our Hearts Podcast between Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and a good friend of hers who is a foster parent.  That conversation left me with a heaviness of heart that I didn’t quite know what to do with. Suddenly, I was seeing more and more people in my life who were playing a role in this system and I wanted to hear more about their stories. The more I learned, the more I felt other people needed to hear! So, I asked…and each replied with a resounding and enthusiastic yes.

I think it’s best to hear each mama’s heart, unedited, rather than curate their answers to the questions I sent each them, so I’ll be sharing their stories in an interview format. Each person received the same set of questions and they had the freedom to answer and not answer as they saw fit; if they wanted to expound further on anything, they had the space to do so.

The first mama I’d like to share with you is Kala Estrada. She and her husband, Fred, attend our church. I knew Fred casually since my husband and I began attending our church because his dad was our beloved pastor at the time (in fact, he married us!) until 8 years later when he passed away. That was a devastating time for us as a church. As hard as it was, it was special to see how Fred accepted this new role in his family, and how God used it all to prepare him for what was to come. I met Kala when she and Fred married and she joined our church family. It was evident upon meeting her and hearing just a bit of her story that she was and is deeply commited to the calling to foster. Together, their foster care story is an unconventional one (if there even is such a thing as a conventional foster care story).

How did you become involved in foster care?

“Since college, I’ve always been interested in adopting.  After doing further research I found that there are tons of kids that need to be adopted in the US, and even more that need foster care.  Seeing the stats broke my heart and I felt like foster and fostering to adopt was something I was called to do.”

Did you know families personally who were foster families?

“At the time I decided to move forward with the fostering process, I was attending Bethel Philadelphia Mills and had made friends with several families that were fostering.  I decided to use the same agency as they had used because it was something familiar.”

What do you think are some misconceptions about fostering?

“1. I can’t do it because I couldn’t let a kid be taken away/go back to their bio parents

2. It’s only kids who have been in some sort of abusive situation/they come with baggage

3. I’ll do it when _______________, but ________________ never happens

4. I’m not parent material

5. I’m too ____________________ (old, young, busy, poor, etc.)”

“To which I say, don’t put God in a box.  If you say no, you’re saying God cannot make a way.  Of course, be smart about the decision to foster, it’s a huge undertaking, but if God is calling you, don’t make an excuse.”

If someone isn’t in a position to be able to foster themselves, what are some other ways to come alongside foster families and support them?

“1. Don’t ask if they are fostering because they can’t have kids of their own.  To some/most, fostering is a choice not a ‘last option.'”

2. Donate suitcases, toys, clothes, shoes, and books to local DHS or children and youth service offices.  Some children move in garbage bags, others are placed in emergency homes that don’t have age appropriate clothes/toys for them.

3. Pray for the foster children

4. Try to set up play dates with age appropriate children

5. Offer to babysit, new laws leave it up to the foster parents discretion on who can watch their foster kids.  Before, DHS and children and youth services had to approve and do a background check on prospective sitters.”

Has the decision to foster affected your marriage in any way (in the beginning or even now)?

“Shoot… well my first marriage seemed to be going well, but later I found out that because I wanted to foster I was giving too much of my attention to the babies/I cared too much about other people.  It could have been an excuse for him to cheat or words to try to make me feel like our demise was my fault, but in any event I asked him to leave and continued to foster as a single mother.”

“As for marriage #2, I feel like I was a little more ready and eager to foster, because I felt like we had space, time, and financial security, however, Frederick was a little overwhelmed with the thought of adding more responsibility to our family.  I had had 8 years to adjust to kids and they came to me one at a time, he had gotten a wife, two kids, and a new address only a year and a half earlier.  We were at different places and it felt like neither of us wanted to move on our position to foster or not to foster, so sometimes there was tension.  However, God’s timing is always best and he worked on Fred’s heart in just the right way/time.  If we had decided to foster again any earlier, we could have possibly missed the chance to bring in our children’s sibling.  That’s what’s so amazing about our kids is that they are actually biologically related.”

What impact has fostering had on your other children, whether biological or adopted?

“Since it’s something they’ve always known, it’s just their reality.  We received each of them as infants so our home is all they’ve known.  Social workers, visitations, and siblings living with other families is completely normal to them.  Dinosaur Train was also a big hit because it made adoption completely normal.”

Was this a mutual calling or were one of you called first and the other was prayed into it/called later?

“I was first, Fred was prayed into it :)”

What has been the biggest surprise?

“The biggest surprise was how quickly I fell in love with each baby placed with me.  It felt like a babysitting job where the parents just never came back to pick up the kid, at first, but after that initial feeling wore off, I was consumed by love.  It was a ‘I only want the very best for this baby’  love, not a ‘now my life is complete because I have a baby” love.'”

What has been the hardest thing?

“So many things are hard, and each foster kid came with a new ‘hard.’ For foster 1, it was a very long process, that toyed with my emotions.  It was court date after court date, postponed hearings, visitation at prison, miscommunications with visitation drivers, last minute canceled visitations, and then going through a divorce while trying to finally adopt him.  For foster 2, the hardest thing was that she was brand new. She came to live with me when she was 3 days old and she felt so small and fragile.  Being a foster parent means you don’t have maternity leave either, and trying to find child care for a new born, while all of your family lives out of state, is very hard.  For foster 3, I felt like a pro, so the hardest part was convincing my husband that he could be a foster parent.  He had a lot of reservations and he felt like maybe it wasn’t the best timing, but God really worked on his heart and now he’s so glad he became a foster parent.”

What has been the biggest blessing?

“The biggest blessing was that all three of my foster babies became my forever babies.  I always tell them how God hand picked and pieced our family together so it would be perfect.  We celebrate their adoptions and heritage and history and everything else that makes them unique.”

May 23rd is a big day for Fred + Kala as all 3 kids will officially be Estradas!

 

 

Kala holding Alexa during the proceeding

Happy Gotcha Day to the (then) Parthemores!

Fred + Alexa

Alexa, Penny + Tyler

Social Media

One of the first foster-care-focused Instagram accounts I began following is @Davirebecca. Not only do Davi and her husband have 4 precious boys of their own, but they are foster parents to 3 darling girls. They began their foster journey about 4 years ago and Davi candidly describes the nitty gritty of what this life choice and high calling entails; from the gut-punch-reality-reminders that these babies she has fallen in love with aren’t hers, to the ways in which God is sanctifying her through this process, to how to love on them in the inbetween, during the waiting. Sometimes she’s angry, sometimes she somber, often she’s humorous, and she always points to Jesus. You will learn a lot just watching her journey.

Pray for both of these families as they continue to walk the path God has laid for them.

Hasta la proxima! Until next time!

 

 

 

May: Foster Care Awareness Month

May is Foster Care Awareness Month. It’s a heavy topic. I’ve spent a lot of time closely watching families I know and families I don’t know (via social media) traverse this path and it’s not easy. But we were never called to a life of ease, this I know. We are called to bear one another’s burdens in love. Should that stop for a child because it would require too much dying on our part? This is just an honest reality-check question. Here are a couple of facts and figures I’d like to share from showhope.org:

1. 400,000 children in the U.S. are waiting for a foster home; 100,000 of those are waiting to be adopted.
2. 30,000 kids age out of the system every year. EVERY year. Without families.

There is an orphan crisis worldwide, including here in the U.S. and it is my humble opinion that we need to be doing so much more. A burdened heart means nothing if it is not spurred to action. The good news is that action doesn’t take on one form. Over this next month I’ll be featuring stories from friends who are currently fostering or have in the past. I’ll also be sharing some insight from someone I know who works in foster care, as well as some fantastically inspiring Instagram accounts who are candid about the daily beauty and hardship that is fostering. I hope you’ll follow along and that you’ll be moved to act in some way.

“If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them ‘Go in peace, be warm and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” – James 2:15-16

Be well, friends.