World Breastfeeding Week: Our story with Natural Age Weaning

I hadn’t planned on this being my first blog post in months (our gymnastics schedule totally threw off my blogging and I just never successfully adjusted my posting day lol). This began as an IG post, but my caption passed the word limit and I wasn’t done, so…I brought it over here. You’re welcome. 😉

Okay, here we go. It’s the end of World Breastfeeding Week and I felt prompted to share a bit of our experience with breastfeeding. I don’t typically engage in online debates. I honestly don’t have the energy for it. I’d rather have a slow, heart-to-heart conversation without presuppositions and the obsession to be right as a barrier to honest dialogue. I also don’t really follow celebrities, but when I saw a photo on the IG home page of Coco (Ice-T’s wife) nursing their 5-year-old (or maybe 6? I don’t remember.), I paused to read the comments. I knew what I would find–so I wasn’t surprised–but it still saddened me to see the vitriol spewed at this mama and the assumptions being made about ther kid’s present and future.

I get that natural age weaning isn’t for everyone, but just becasue it’s not for you doesn’t mean it’s not what is exactly right for another family.

Like most things in my life, breastfeeding didn’t play out like I thought it would. I didn’t plan on nursing as long as I have. When my Rosiegirl was born I assumed I would breastfeed till age 1. Why that age? No reason other than it’s what I saw around me. Mind you, my mom nursed me till I was 2 years, 3 months…she was awesome! But I thought, okay, age 1 will do. Then she turned 1 and I knew neither of us was ready to stop. I read about the continued benefits of breastfeeding into toddlerhood so we kept on. Then another 365 days would pass and another. I began to wonder if this was too long or if she was too old, mostly because no one else I knew personally was nursing that long. So I did what I usually do: I read as much as my brain could digest (it goes beyond the first page of a Google search). I found a forum that was discussing this as well as other baby/toddler/child behaviors that no one ever talks about publicly for fear of being shamed or ridiculed (even though most of the behaviors are natural). And you know what I found? Answers. And community. Community that told me I wasn’t the only one and that I had a safe space becasue they understood. And the answers I received from them and my own reading pointed me to biology, childhood development, etc. Knowledge really is power because when I combined what my mama gut knew my kid needed with the information I gathered, I no longer felt concern for what others would say or think. It didn’t matter if I was the only one doing whatever we were doing, I knew it was right for us.

Rosie self-weaned at age 4 1/2. Carina self-weaned a little past that. Gabriel will be 4 1/2 next month and nursing is still a natural part of our days. Each kid has needed it for different reasons and rather than something that is damaging to them, it is the complete opposite. Even our son’s occupational therapist has encouraged we continue if he isn’t ready to stop because of some of his particular needs. Breastfeeding was never solely about nutrition for baby.

I have friends who never breastfed, friends who wanted to breastfeed for a long time but whose babies self-weaned at 9 months, friends who nursed into advanced toddlerhood. There is room for all of us. What one person does isn’t a commentary on what you are doing. I know one post by one mama won’t change the minds and hearts of the masses, but if just one other mom finds this who is looking down at her nursing toddler, feeling the pressure to stop because her family or friends or community or the internet is telling her it’s weird and gross and that she is ruining her child and destining them to future psychological treatment, I want her to know she can rest easy and confidently in her decision to do what is right and best for her and her child; I want her to know that she will grow thicker skin over the years because this will most likely be one of many decisions she will make that will look nothing like what her peers or mainstream culture are doing, and that’s okay. In fact, that’s probably better.

Photo Cred goes to my friend, Cami, who said I would thank her one day for this photo. ❤️

The Colombian Cop and Cross-Nursing

I always thought my first breastfeeding post would be about normalizing it, or the challenges that come along with it, or the countless benefits of it for mom and baby (which I know is not a new topic of discussion); but, my husband shared this article with me about a police officer in Colombia nursing an abandoned newborn whose umbilical cord was still attached while they waited for an ambulance to arrive on the scene.  I found it to be incredibly moving and istinctually heroic.  Salma Hayek even did this several years ago during one of her humanitarian trips. And, as timing would have it, my cooky train of thought took me to a subject I’ve thought about a few times here and there and have only mentioned in passing in the presence of family and friends: cross-nursing (meaning, having another woman breastfeed your baby or you breastfeeding another woman’s baby).

You may be thinking, ‘whoa, there, lady; you’ve taken it too far with that one’ – but hear me out.  The use of wet nurses began as early as 2000 BC.  Granted, this was a professional, paid service and was used for a variety of societal reasons, including the inexistence of bottles and formula at the time. Nonetheless, it was a common practice, but somehow the idea of cross-nursing has become icky.  And, I get why.  Breastfeeding is an intimate thing between a mother and child; and then there are the safety concerns–much like any concerns regarding the screening process of donated milk in milk banks.

But, I think most of us moms have been there: you’ve left your baby in someone’s care (your mom, mother-in-law, best friend, etc.) while you have a girls’ night, or a date night, or what-have-you.  You’ve timed your outing precisely between nursing sessions or you’ve expressed exactly the right amount of milk to last you the time you’re out and maybe a little extra.  And then it happens: there’s an inexplicable amount of traffic on your way home and you’re staring at your clock.  It’s an awful feeling to know that your baby needs you and you can’t be there for her in that moment.  And what baby needs, besides mommy, is milk–whether for nourishment, comfort, or both. Chances are my mom and mother-in-law won’t be producing milk any time soon, but as far as my closest mom friends and family go, if I didn’t trust their lifestyle (including what they put in their bodies), then they wouldn’t be watching my kids. So, if there were ever a time when my infant was in need and I couldn’t reach him or her in time, then I sincerely hope my bosom buddies would step in and see that those needs were met.

In case you really think I’m out there (and, okay, maybe I am…and I’m okay with that!) cross-nursing is becoming more popular.  An article from the University of Central Florida‘s online publication cited a study the university recently conducted among 392 women.  Of those 392 women, 240 were milk donors, and 19.2% of those donors had also cross-nursed (see source).

Just like the rest of us, these moms are simply trying to do what is best for their families, and that doesn’t always look the same for everyone.